Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Elderly parents? Read on

A Letter to all my friends and Readers

What is the major change in life? Job change? Getting married? or Financial windfall? 

Above all, there is one major change in life, in which we have no experience or never realize. But that's the most important change which needs to be dealt with cautious care. Because it’s highly sensitive. 

Can you guess what’s that?

All of your life there were two persons who was always there to support you financially as well as emotionally. All of a sudden one day you realize that the world has turned upside down. Your elderly parent starts depending on you. Below are few things to remember, when that major change happens

Apologize when you are rude with them:
That, that repetition, senseless questions, ability to hear, their innocent activities drive us crazy one or the other time.  We never tend to hurt them intentionally, but sometimes (or most of the times?) we get annoyed and outburst our frustration with them.

Few years before, I offered a glass with tea to my grandma. She raised her hands toward me to accept the tea glass. With trembling hands, she picked it up but dropped the tea glass immediately. The hot droplets of tea splashed onto my eyes and I howled out in pain. My dad rushed to the spot and looked at his mother (my grandma) as well his daughter (me). He went near my grandma and comforted her saying, "Mom, Just a tea right. Leave it. We can easily clean and can make another cup of tea. Leave it". 
Its then I released how my grandma was feeling helpless, guilty and extremely bad for dropping the glass and tea on to my eyes. This incident disturbed my mind a lot. Are we (this young generation) so calm enough like our parents? I know, her act was not intentional. But incident like this tend to raise our anger and we just show it to elderly people. 

My grandma hands were thin and she could not tolerate the heat. It’s my mistake for not taking extra care while offering the tea. Incidents like this often happen with our elderly parents and we tend to lose our patients. 

Friends my sincere request, don’t ever show your rudeness or emotional outburst with them. If you do so, they will feel insecure and guilt. 
I agree, they repeat the same things again and we get frustrated. 
They embarrass us in front of others and it tests our patients.  
But please don’t lose your temper with them. By any chance if you could not control your anger and shouted at them, apologize. 
Say positive words. Tell them, “I am sorry. I was in bad mood and will never repeat"
When you keep apologizing for your activity, you tend to be little more cautious from next time

Spend some quality time with them:
I am not asking you to take them for movies or some international trips or fulfil your parents long temples wish-list. Just leave your mobile phones at your home and take them for a walk. Listen to them that's more than enough. Read more at Little things to do to our parents.

Let them enjoy their Independence:
While crossing the road, in order to protect my dad, I hold his hands. He instantly push my hands and say not to hold. 
Yes, our parent doesn’t like to be treated as someone who needs help. They wanted their independence first. Learn to help or protect them without letting them know. 
In my previous case I say, dad I need protection and act as if I need help while crossing the road and protect him. In this way, they feel proud that still they are able to support their child too.  

One last thing, I came across this touching message today

An old man took his phone to a repair shop, He was told nothing was wrong with his phone, He asked then why don't my kids ever call me. 

Never make parents long for their own children love. If they do so, that's the biggest failure in our life. 


  1. True and these occurs in every ones life as and we shud realise it that our parents and each human will turn into a child and as they tolerated when we are a child as we shud . A very good post and all shud act accordingly at least after reading this. Good post after a long gap.

  2. When I read this I can realise how rude I was with my grandma.Our generation has no patience if people change their behaviour towards old people,number of old-age homes can be reduced.Keep writing.

  3. Very good article Deepika. It touched my heart. This happens to evryone . we need to deal with patience

    1. Thank you Sapna for the comments and surprised to see you have shared my post :) Thanks once again

  4. Very good one! Current generation knows how to interact with gadgets but not with elders. The care free attitude and ignorance about how to interact with elders costing current generation a lot!

  5. This post is an eye opener Deepika. It's such an emotional topic, most of the times unknowingly or knowingly we hurt our parents and grand parents. Yes, we feel bad after hurting them but we keep on making the same mistakes and never apologise. I think this post should reach more and more people from our and young generations. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

    1. Hey Simi... never thought this post would touch many readers and they will be able to connect ..thanks for the comments