The Day My Hormones Decided to Tell My Entire Life Story

Some days, life hurts.

And some days, your hormones apparently decide that every hurt you have ever experienced deserves a reunion. Today was one of those days.

Something happened. 

On any other normal day, I would probably have just shrugged it off and said, “Easy-peasy” 😄

I would have walked away, complained for five minutes, had some tea, and continued with my life.

But today? Today, that little incident didn't remain a little incident. It walked straight into my heart and suddenly, I cried.

Naah Not those cute, cinematic tear rolling down the cheek kind of cry.

Its a wave of emotions I could no longer hold back.

The kind where you start remembering things that happened 15 years ago for absolutely no reason.

The friend who broke your heart. The person who walked away. The opportunities you lost.

The things you said that you wish you hadn't.

The things people said to you that you wish you could forget.

And, for some reason, even the childhood memories came running in.

At one point, my brain basically opened a folder called:

"EVERY BAD CHAPTER OF YOUR LIFE : PLAY ALL."

It felt as though someone had collected all my worst memories, arranged them and said, "Here is the teaser of everything that has ever hurt her."

And my hormones were sitting in the front row eating popcorn.

I remembered everything bad thing happened in my life. 

I had to pause for a moment. I checked the date, and then it hit me. I knew exactly what was happening. Those hormones had decided to turn the emotional volume all the way up, making everything feel heavier, darker, and far more painful than it normally would.

And that's something I think many women understand.

Before our periods, our emotions can sometimes become unbelievably intense. Hormonal changes can affect mood, irritability, sensitivity and anxiety. For some women, the emotional symptoms can be much more severe.

I knew what kind of day this was. But for a moment, I felt deeply sorry for women. Why does being a woman have to come with so much physical and emotional pain? For a moment, I questioned God or perhaps nature itself. Why do we have to fight an emotional battle before our periods even begin, only to face the physical pain afterward? It felt so unfair that our bodies could put us through such an intense emotional storm and then say, “Okay, now let’s add cramps.”

I cried and cried again. 

It was one of those dark emotional days when everything feels heavier than it actually is.

And I know that for some women, these emotional crashes can go much further into severe depression, hopelessness, or even thoughts of harming themselves.

That is why I don't want us to laugh at women's emotional struggles and simply say: "Oh, she's on her period."

No. Sometimes she is genuinely struggling. Sometimes she doesn't even understand why she feels the way she feels. And sometimes what she needs isn't judgement. She needs someone to sit beside her.

So I went and sat quietly.

The tears started rolling again.

I let them.

I cried.

Then I washed my face.

Looked at myself in the mirror.

And made myself a promise:

Whatever happens, I am not going to make the hormone win this time. 

Today may be a terrible day.

But it is still only one day.

And then, as if the universe had been watching this entire emotional drama from somewhere, an email arrived.

The subject? A menstrual-cycle-related leave announcement.

I opened it.

And I could almost imagine some men reading it and thinking:

What the hell? One day of leave every month for this? As if women are actually suffering!

Dear men…

Trust me.  You don't have to understand every hormonal change to understand that sometimes a woman's body is fighting battles her face doesn't show.

And no, we aren't asking for sympathy every day.

We are asking for a little understanding on the days when our body, hormones, emotions and life decide to hold a conference without inviting us.

Today reminded me of something important.

Being strong doesn't mean never crying.

Tomorrow, the hormones will calm down.

The heart will breathe again and the bad chapters will return to their shelves.

Maybe We Are Limiting Our Kids

 

Last year, on this same day, we were running at Nandi Hills. We had a simple thought that day, "we should do this every year."

But this year, We registered for Ironkids Bengaluru.

And today, my son gave me one of the best gifts I could ever ask for.

He completed an Aquathon.

Honestly, this was a little emotional for me because completing a triathlon has always been on my bucket list. I always wanted to do one.

But I never really understood what it actually takes to complete one.

Today, watching my son gave me a completely different perspective.

He started with swimming.

He had to complete four laps in the swimming pool.

And as a parent, that's where my mind started working overtime.

Will he be able to finish?

Is four laps too much for him?

Did I make a mistake by registering him?

When I saw him during the second lap, for a moment, I genuinely thought, Should I ask the volunteer to take him out?

But then I saw his never-give-up attitude and he completed swimming. 

Then came the next challenge.

He had to get out, go to the transition area, change his clothes, put on his shoes by himself, and move to the running track.

Nobody was going to do it for him.

And he did it.

Then he ran.

And he finished.

I was just standing there thinking…

How did this little boy manage to do all this?

He had never practiced swimming for the last one year, yes. But this particular distance, this kind of event, the pressure, the place, the crowd, the transition from swimming to running, this was completely new for him.

And it made me think. Are we, as parents, limiting our children's abilities?

Sometimes we decide what our kids can and cannot do before they even get a chance to try.

He is too young. 

She won't be able to do it.

It's too difficult.

Maybe next year.

And sometimes, without realizing it, we build a boundary around them.

Today, my son reminded me that maybe that boundary is not always real.

After everything was over, I casually asked him:

"What made you not give up? I know it was difficult. I can't even do two laps! You had never done this before. What made you continue even when it was so difficult?"

He looked at me and said: "Yes, Amma. It was very difficult. Extremely difficult. But I saw you cheering. And Dad was also cheering. That's why."

That's it. Just that one sentence.

Sometimes…

They just need to know that someone is standing there, believing in them.

Maybe he wasn't running only for himself.

Maybe somewhere in his mind, he was thinking,

"Amma and Dad are watching me. I don't want to stop."

And that thought was enough.

Today, I didn't just watch my son complete an Aquathon.

I learned something from him.

Don't decide your child's limits for them.

Let them try.

Let them struggle.

Let them surprise you.

And most importantly, let them know that when they look back, you will be there cheering.

Because maybe one day, when they are tired and ready to give up, your voice from the sidelines might be the one thing that makes them take one more step.

So, parents…

What are you waiting for?

Don't wait for your child to become "ready."

Give them a chance.

You might be surprised by what they are capable of.

And who knows…

Maybe while they are completing their own bucket list, they might just help you complete yours too.

When I Held Her Hand

 Whenever life gets messy, most of us pray for the same thing.

"God, Can you send someone just hold to my hand and get me safely to the other side?"

Recently, I visited Palani Hills. There was option like rope cable car and winch but the waiting queue was nearly three hours. Like many others, I took a deep breath and started to descend the steps.

I had barely walked down three or four steps when I heard a gentle voice behind me.

"Can I hold your hand for just two steps?"

An elderly lady, probably around 65, was smiling at me. She only wanted help for two steps.

I held out my hand for her support After those two steps, I smiled and said, "Don't worry. Hold my hand. We will go all the way down together."

She smiled in a way that said more than words ever could.

What should have been a quick 30-minute walk turned into almost two hours.

She walked slowly, resting every few minutes. And during every pause came another story.

She spoke about her husband with so much affection. She talked about her son, her family, and little moments from her life that probably seemed ordinary to everyone else but somehow felt extraordinary while listening to them.

Honestly, I started wondering whether I was helping her... or is god trying to teach me?

By the time we reached the bottom, she gently placed her hand on my head, blessed me, and said, "You were sent by Lord Murugan. Thank you."

For a moment, I didn't know what to say. Sometimes gratitude leaves you completely speechless. 

She continued, "May you live a long life." 

The blessing she gave me was the exact opposite of the prayer I had carried in my heart. 

I simply looked up at the hill and said, Lord, just as I held her hand and helped her through those difficult steps, will You hold mine? Walk beside me, guide me through every obstacle.

Sometimes we are the one asking for a hand.

Sometimes we become the hand someone else was praying for.