Eight Hours Was Too Much, Eighteen Hours Was Fine

 

It was a Friday evening. 

Arjun had just finished his office work, ordered some snacks, and settled down on his sofa to watch a web series on Netflix. For once, he had no plans, no office calls, and no one to disturb him.

Just as the movie was getting interesting, his phone started ringing.

It was Vicky.

Arjun smiled as soon as he saw his name. They had known each other for thirteen years, ever since their school days. They were not cousins by blood, but they had grown up together like cousins, sharing school memories, silly fights, secrets, and countless afternoons playing in the streets.

"Hey, macha! What's up?" Arjun answered.

"Nothing much. Listen, I have something to tell you."

"What happened?"

"Nothing serious, da. I'm getting married next month. You have to come."

Arjun sat up straight.

"Dei! Finally! Congratulations, da!"

"Thank you, thank you. But listen, you have to be there. No excuses."

Arjun's smile slowly faded.

"Come on, Vicky. You know how difficult it is for me. It's almost 8 hours of travel, and getting leave from the office is another headache. Why couldn't you have kept the wedding somewhere in the city? It would have been much easier for everyone."

Vicky laughed.

"City, ah? It's our grandparents' place, da. That's where we all grew up. I wanted to get married there."

"I understand, macha. But you know how things are now. We have deadlines, meetings, tasks breathing down our necks... It's not like school days anymore."

"Don't worry. But the wedding is on Sunday, da. You can reach by Saturday, attend the wedding on Sunday, and return.

"That's the problem. I have to travel on Friday night, and Friday is already packed with office meetings. I can't just disappear. I'll be travelling, attending the wedding, and travelling back. By Monday morning, I'll be completely exhausted. I can't afford to be tired on Monday morning at work"

There was a pause.

Vicky finally said, "Okay, da. I understand. Just try to come if possible."

Arjun rubbed his forehead.

"Seri, da. I'll try my best. I'm really sorry if I can't make it."

There was another short silence on the other end.

"Okay, da. I understand. But I really want you there."

"I'll try, macha. Promise."

They exchanged a few more words before ending the call.

Arjun put his phone down and stared at the paused movie.

He did feel a little bad. Thirteen years of friendship was not a small thing. But what could he do? Work was important, and travelling for a wedding was not easy. They had shared lunch boxes, played cricket until sunset, and promised each other that no matter where life took them, they would always stay in touch.

But life had changed.

School friends had become software engineers, managers, and business owners. Everyone was busy. Even attending a wedding had become a matter of checking calendars, counting leave days, and calculating travel time.

Arjun sighed and reached for his snacks.

Just then, his phone rang again.

This time, it was Rahul, one of his teammates.

"Bro! Have you heard about Sandeep's wedding?"

Arjun's mood changed instantly.

"Ah, yes! Sandeep's wedding! What's the plan?"

"Bro, it's a destination wedding in Goa! The whole team is going. We've already discussed it with the manager. One full week off!"

Arjun nearly dropped his snack.

"One full week?"

"Yes, We are driving to Goa. And guess what? We have got almost a full week off. We are planning to drive there together. Eighteen hours on the road, bro! Music, food, drinks, beach, fun  the whole package! Then we will attend the wedding and come back."

"Wait, wait. The manager agreed to one full week?"

"Of course! Everyone is going. We have planned everything. We just need to confirm the cars and bookings."

Arjun was already smiling.

"Super! When are we leaving?"

"Friday night. Everyone is coming. You in?"

Arjun didn't even take a second to think.

"Of course, bro! Count me in!"

"That's the spirit! I will add you to the group."

The call ended.

Arjun leaned back on the sofa, grinning.

A whole week in Goa. A road trip with friends. Music, food, drinks, beaches, and no office stress.

Then his phone buzzed again.

It was a message from Vicky.

"Dei, macha. One small thing. Can you call me when you are free?"

But as Arjun returned to the Goa group chat, one question slowly crept into his mind.

Why was he ready to spend eighteen hours on the road for a colleague, but not eight hours for someone who had been part of his life for thirteen years?

He tried to push the thought away.

It was just a wedding, he told himself.

Maybe the problem was never the distance. Eight hours felt like a burden when it meant showing up for an old friend, but eighteen hours felt exciting when it came with a road trip, beaches, and fun. 

Sometimes, we don't make time based on how much someone matters to us, but on how much enjoyment we expect in return. And without even realising it, we end up treating the people who have been with us the longest as if they can always wait.

Love and War: The Marriage We Don't Post

This is a late post. But maybe some things are worth writing about even after the Instagram stories disappear, You Tube reels stop playing, and everyone has moved on to the next “perfect couple” video.

Around mid-September, my Instagram and YouTube feeds suddenly filled with Suriya and Jyotika’s wedding videos and moments from their journey together.

Twenty years of marriage. Renewed wedding vows. And, of course, the crazy comments from people:

“The way Suriya’s eyes changed when he saw her…"

“Couples should be like Suriya and Jyotika.”

“20 years and still so much love. I want a marriage like this 🥹❤️”

And somewhere between watching those videos and reading those comments, I had one very simple thought: What happens to the rest of us? The couples who don't look like that every day?

The husband gets irritated because his wife says, “Nothing, I’m fine,”

The wife who doesn't feel like talking to her husband after an argument.

The couple who can spend an entire evening sitting in the same room (Scrolling) without speaking.

The couple who fight about children, housework, work pressure, holidays, forgotten anniversaries and sometimes… absolutely nothing. Are they in wrong marriage?

Because somewhere along the way, we started confusing the term "perfect marriage."

We see the husband holding his wife's hand. We don't see the conversation they had at midnight when one of them said, “I don't think you understand/love me anymore.”

We see the cake. We don't see the resentment that existed before the cake was cut.

We see “Happy Anniversary, my forever.” We don't see the ordinary Tuesday when one person was exhausted, the other was irritated, and neither had the energy to be romantic.

And that's the problem, we sub consciously compare marriage to someone else's Instagram.

You are comparing your behind-the-scenes with somebody else's edited trailer. And then comes the dangerous sentence, “They never fight.”

I remember seeing an interview of Jyotika where she said, “We never fought even once. He is a green forest, bla bla bla…” and went on to saying.

And honestly, if you are sitting in a marriage that has survived so far, you might look at that and think: “What the hell are we doing wrong?”

Because some of us have had fights every single day. Some couples have mastered the art of fighting, eating dinner, sleeping in the same bed and waking up the next morning as if nothing happened.

Because fighting isn't automatically the opposite of love.

Sometimes the opposite of love is indifference.

You can be angry because you expected something from the person you love.

Two stubborn personalities trying to share one kitchen, one bedroom, one family and one life? That's marriage. Maybe marriage was never supposed to be peaceful all the time 😼

Think about it. You take two completely different people.

Different childhoods.

Different families.

Different habits.

Different ideas about money.

Different ideas about parenting.

Different ways of expressing love.

Different expectations.

Different wounds.

Different egos.

Different dreams.

And then society tells them: “Now live together happily ever after.”

Again.

I think we have romanticised the beginning of relationships too much.

The proposal. The wedding. The honeymoon. The couple photos.

To every husband who thinks his marriage is failing...Because your wife doesn't smile at you like that celebrity couple. Because she gets angry. Because she complains.

And to every wife who looks at another couple and thinks, “Why isn't my husband like that?”

Please remember: You are seeing a few minutes of their life.

He may not know how to say the perfect thing. But Perhaps he waits until you come home.

Perhaps he takes care of the child when you are exhausted.

Perhaps his version of “I love you” doesn't look like yours.

And maybe your version doesn't look like his either.

Stop looking for a marriage without problems. 

Maybe they renewed their vows after 20 years, but why should we wait 20 years to choose each other again?

Why don’t we marry each other every day? Every day, look for a chance to fall in love again. Make a little effort. Tell them they still look beautiful. Look at them the way you did the first time you met. Remember the little things that made you fall for them.

Yes, you may fight for 23 hours. You may say nonsense, get angry, misunderstand each other, and even wonder why you married this person in the first place.

But what if you kept just one hour aside for love?

One hour to stop arguing. One hour to sit together. One hour to look at each other without the anger. One hour to say, “I still choose you.”

Maybe that is what marriage really is, not a life without fights, but two people who keep finding their way back to each other.

Don’t wait for an anniversary to celebrate your marriage.

Make every day a little love hour.