It started as a casual conversation.
My mother, in her usual tone asked a relative why his daughter hadn’t come for a family function. He casually replied, “She’s not really interested in attending functions…”
To which my mom, genuinely puzzled, asked, Why? What’s the reason? Why are kids of this generation avoiding functions? How they will know the relatives?”
That line stayed with me. She’s closer to that generation.
Yes, May be I am close enough to understand Gen Z, but still rooted in the older system.
And suddenly, I realized, this wasn’t just about one girl skipping a function. This was about an entire generation quietly stepping back from something that once defined family life: relatives.
Let me be honest. I have what I call a “relative phobia.” I avoid gatherings when I can. I keep conversations minimal. And I often asked myself why?
After thinking deeply, here’s what I believe.
Support Is Rare:
One of the biggest disconnects is this: Relatives expect you to show up for every function, every ritual, every gathering. But when life gets hard? Absolute silence… or worse, a full blame game without even trying to understand what you was the actual situation.
Our generation has seen this clearly. We have watched ourselves struggle often alone. We have faced stress, emotional burnout… and rarely felt support from extended family. In fact, sometimes it almost feels like they are silently happy for your downfall.
It’s not bitterness. It’s just… awareness.
Negativity Is the Default Language
Have you noticed how conversations often go in family circles?
Talking about who failed; Comparing whose life is better; There’s very little appreciation, very little kindness.
Our generation is actively trying to unlearn this. We are choosing positivity, mental peace, and conscious conversations. So when we walk into spaces filled with judgment and negativity, it feels… exhausting and draining.
This one hits home for almost everyone.
“When are you getting married?”
“Why only one child? “You should plan your second.”
“You are doing it wrong.”
Why are you rejecting that girl/boy…
Having big dreams?
And I kept thinking:
Have you ever paused to understand our reality?
Our mental load? Our priorities? Our Values?
Have you ever offered help instead of advice?
If the answer is no, then the advice feels like Less care… and more like noise.
Boundaries Are Misunderstood as Disrespect
This is something our generation values deeply boundaries.
We don’t want to share everything because it somehow turns into judgment in front of us and a full discussion behind our backs.
We don’t want to justify every decision, because you didn’t walk through the chaos, confusion, and pressure it took to make it.
We choose silence sometimes, not because we don’t trust you, but because peace feels safer than being misunderstood.
But in many traditional setups, this is seen as:
Arrogance, Disrespect and “This generation has no values”
In reality, we are trying to protect our mental space. We are not avoding people.
Relationships Feel Transactional, Not Emotional
Another hard truth. Where is the genuine connection?
Where are the conversations that go beyond surface level?
Where is the effort to know each other as individuals?
Our generation craves authenticity. If a relationship feels forced or performative, we slowly distance ourselves not out of ego, but out of emotional honesty.
So… Do We Really Hate Relatives?
No. We hate the experience that often comes with it.
We want:
Conversations without judgment
Presence during tough times
Respect for personal choices (We value your opinions too)
If those exist, we show up. Happily.
If not, we choose peace over pressure.
Final Thought: There was a phase in my life when things weren’t easy. And in that moment, almost all the relatives quietly stepped back.
No calls. No support. No “Are you okay?” Just distance and backstabbing.
Now, years later, I still try. I show up with a polite smile, I keep things normal on the outside. But somewhere inside, the words once spoken, the way things were handled… they don’t just disappear. They stay. They replay.
And I sometimes find myself asking.
Do we really need people in our lives who were absent when we needed them the most?
This is not anger. But we believe, relationships are not built only on presence during celebrations. They are built on how you show up when things fall apart.
So if someone isn’t coming to you with warmth, happiness, or openness…
maybe it’s not attitude. Maybe it’s not ego. Maybe, at some point, something broke.
And instead of asking, “Why have they changed?” maybe the better question is,
“Did I ever hurt them without realizing?”
