This is a late post. But maybe some things are worth writing about even after the Instagram stories disappear, You Tube reels stop playing, and everyone has moved on to the next “perfect couple” video.
Around mid-September, my Instagram and YouTube feeds suddenly filled with Suriya and Jyotika’s wedding videos and moments from their journey together.
Twenty years of marriage. Renewed wedding vows. And, of course, the crazy comments from people:
“The way Suriya’s eyes changed when he saw her…"
“Couples should be like Suriya and Jyotika.”
“20 years and still so much love. I want a marriage like this 🥹❤️”
And somewhere between watching those videos and reading those comments, I had one very simple thought: What happens to the rest of us? The couples who don't look like that every day?
The husband gets irritated because his wife says, “Nothing, I’m fine,”
The wife who doesn't feel like talking to her husband after an argument.
The couple who can spend an entire evening sitting in the same room (Scrolling) without speaking.
The couple who fight about children, housework, work pressure, holidays, forgotten anniversaries and sometimes… absolutely nothing. Are they in wrong marriage?
Because somewhere along the way, we started confusing the term "perfect marriage."
We see the husband holding his wife's hand. We don't see the conversation they had at midnight when one of them said, “I don't think you understand/love me anymore.”
We see the cake. We don't see the resentment that existed before the cake was cut.
We see “Happy Anniversary, my forever.” We don't see the ordinary Tuesday when one person was exhausted, the other was irritated, and neither had the energy to be romantic.
And that's the problem, we sub consciously compare marriage to someone else's Instagram.
You are comparing your behind-the-scenes with somebody else's edited trailer. And then comes the dangerous sentence, “They never fight.”
I remember seeing an interview of Jyotika where she said, “We never fought even once. He is a green forest, bla bla bla…” and went on to saying.
Because some of us have had fights every single day. Some couples have mastered the art of fighting, eating dinner, sleeping in the same bed and waking up the next morning as if nothing happened.
Because fighting isn't automatically the opposite of love.
Sometimes the opposite of love is indifference.
You can be angry because you expected something from the person you love.
Two stubborn personalities trying to share one kitchen, one bedroom, one family and one life? That's marriage. Maybe marriage was never supposed to be peaceful all the time 😼
Think about it. You take two completely different people.
Different childhoods.
Different families.
Different habits.
Different ideas about money.
Different ideas about parenting.
Different ways of expressing love.
Different expectations.
Different wounds.
Different egos.
Different dreams.
And then society tells them: “Now live together happily ever after.”
Again.
I think we have romanticised the beginning of relationships too much.
The proposal. The wedding. The honeymoon. The couple photos.
To every husband who thinks his marriage is failing...Because your wife doesn't smile at you like that celebrity couple. Because she gets angry. Because she complains.
And to every wife who looks at another couple and thinks, “Why isn't my husband like that?”
Please remember: You are seeing a few minutes of their life.
He may not know how to say the perfect thing. But Perhaps he waits until you come home.
Perhaps he takes care of the child when you are exhausted.
Perhaps his version of “I love you” doesn't look like yours.
And maybe your version doesn't look like his either.
Stop looking for a marriage without problems.
Maybe they renewed their vows after 20 years, but why should we wait 20 years to choose each other again?
Why don’t we marry each other every day? Every day, look for a chance to fall in love again. Make a little effort. Tell them they still look beautiful. Look at them the way you did the first time you met. Remember the little things that made you fall for them.
Yes, you may fight for 23 hours. You may say nonsense, get angry, misunderstand each other, and even wonder why you married this person in the first place.
But what if you kept just one hour aside for love?
One hour to stop arguing. One hour to sit together. One hour to look at each other without the anger. One hour to say, “I still choose you.”
Maybe that is what marriage really is, not a life without fights, but two people who keep finding their way back to each other.
Don’t wait for an anniversary to celebrate your marriage.
Make every day a little love hour.
No comments:
Post a Comment