Why Do We Stop Following Our Passion & Dreams

A few days ago, I was scrolling through old photos and stumbled upon something I hadn't seen in years.

The trailer of my book Touch of Mist. I think it was around 2013. Back when social media wasn't ruling our lives, YouTube was still finding its place and going viral meant catching a Viral fever, not getting a million views. 😄

When I suggested creating Trailer for my book, my publisher told me I was the first author to come up with the idea. So, I gathered a bunch of dreamers.

Neha, who played the female lead in my story, was my college senior and yes, she was my girl crush. 😄 Her dream back then was to become a model.

Then there was Abijeet. He wanted to be an actor and was actively trying for an opportunity into the film industry. 

Our cinematographer, a friend of mine, worked at Standard Chartered Bank during the day, but his heart belonged to cinematography. If he had pursued cinematography full-time, he would have earned lakhs and built a successful career doing what he loved.

And then there was me. A newly published author who somehow thought, "My book needs a trailer."

Nobody got paid. Nobody negotiated contracts. Nobody discussed deliverables.

Everyone simply showed up because we loved creating something.

For a brief moment, it felt like the future was standing right in front of us.

Then life happened. Marriage happened. Responsibilities happened.

And somewhere in between all that, dreams quietly moved into recycle bin.

Now when I meet people from that time, the conversation sounds different.

"Oh, I tried modeling once."

"I used to do photography."

"I wrote a book."

USED TO - The most dangerous two words in the English language.

Can we call ourselves failures because we didn't follow our passion? No. The truth is, we never got the chance to explore it fully. We took a few steps, dared to dream, and then life happened. Responsibilities took over, practical realities kicked in, and we surrendered our dreams to the situations.

The question is:

Why does this happen?

Do marriages kill dreams?

Do families stop us?

Does society force us into normal life?

At twenty, we chase dreams because we believe time is unlimited.

Now, we hesitate. Not because we don't have dreams, but because we have grown comfortable with this life. Time feels scarce, responsibilities feel heavier, and the fire that once pushed us to take risks isn't as completely gone. The passion may still be there, but the energy, motivation, and courage to start from scratch often aren't and you need double the energy of it.

Your inner voice says, "Focus on stability." and sad part, we listen to it.

And another year disappears.

The irony is that the twenty-year-old version of us would probably be horrified by how we live now.

But here's what I realized while looking at those photos and my trailers. 

The people in that trailer weren't special because they succeeded.

They were special because they tried. Most people never even do that.

The banker picked up a camera. The aspiring actor faced a lens.

The aspiring model showed up. A writer created a trailer nobody asked for.

For one brief moment, all of us chose possibility and tried somethign. 

Maybe we didn't become famous actors, celebrity photographers or bestselling authors.

But our dreams did die right as we got older. are you feeling your dreams or what you wanted to do is still somewher enot doing it

A 20-year-old has time, energy, health, fewer responsibilities, and less to lose. If they don't pursue their passion then, it's much harder at 40.

At 40, you are competing against: 

20-year-olds who are hungry.

People who have been doing the same thing consistently for 15 years.

Your own lower energy levels.

Family responsibilities.

Financial commitments.

So the advice "just follow your passion" can sound disconnected from reality.

But here is what i say, rather than completeling not chasing why dont you just try. so that it will be like you tired it. 

just change the target. rather than being succesful. 

At 20, maybe the dream was: "I'll become a famous author." instead "Can I write one meaningful book every few years?"

Want to become an influencer? Why not post just one video. Want to pursue that course you've been thinking about? Why not start with a two-day workshop. Most dreams don't require a life-changing decision—they just need a small first step. Whatever dream you've been putting off, share it in the comments. Let's see how we can take the first step together.

Two Red Flags That Can Break a Woman Emotionally

We have always heard about red flags in relationships, whether it is about men or women. We often talk about disrespect, dishonesty, cheating and controlling behaviour. But there are certain red flags that go beyond ordinary relationship problems. They can slowly break a woman emotionally, damage her confidence and make her question her own worth.

I want to talk about two such red flags that deserve more attention.

1. Creating Fear Instead of Making Her Feel Safe

A relationship should be a place where a woman feels safe, not a place where she constantly lives in fear. 

That fear can take different forms. It could be emotional blackmail, threats that he will leave her, threats to expose something personal to her friends or family, or using her private secrets against her whenever an argument arises.

2. Using Her Vulnerability Against Her

This is something I feel is even more painful because it comes from the very person she expects to understand her.

Imagine someone going through personal struggles, hoping for understanding and emotional support. Instead, their difficulties are dismissed, and their feelings are met with insensitive remarks. 

Even during moments of physical discomfort or emotional vulnerability, rather than receiving compassion, they are made to feel unwanted, misunderstood, or like a burden.

These may sound like comments made in anger, but their impact can be much deeper than the person saying them realises.

When a woman shares her struggles, physical difficulties or personal vulnerabilities with someone, she is trusting that person with a very sensitive part of her life. Using those things against her during arguments can destroy that trust.

You don't have to agree with everything your partner says. You can be angry, frustrated or disappointed. But none of that gives you the right to insult someone's mental health or use their vulnerable moments as weapons.

A relationship should be the one place where you can be vulnerable without worrying that your vulnerability will be used against you later.

At the end of the day, relationships are not about never having arguments or disagreements. They are about how two people treat each other even when things are difficult.

If you are a woman going through these challenges, you may not realise it now, but one day you will discover how strong you have become and how much stronger you are when you finally choose yourself and walk away. (atleast emotionally from them)

If you are a woman who is still holding on to a relationship even when everyone around you is asking you to walk away from, even when you know it is draining your happiness, affecting your confidence, and bringing out the worst in you, remember this:

In an era where people are increasingly choosing their peace over compromise and adjustements, you have sacrificed your mental happiness, health, success, confidence, self-worth and so much more, all for one reason ....

For the strength it takes to keep going through battles nobody sees, I salute you. 

Eight Hours Was Too Much, Eighteen Hours Was Fine

 

It was a Friday evening. 

Arjun had just finished his office work, ordered some snacks, and settled down on his sofa to watch a web series on Netflix. For once, he had no plans, no office calls, and no one to disturb him.

Just as the movie was getting interesting, his phone started ringing.

It was Vicky.

Arjun smiled as soon as he saw his name. They had known each other for thirteen years, ever since their school days. They were not cousins by blood, but they had grown up together like cousins, sharing school memories, silly fights, secrets, and countless afternoons playing in the streets.

"Hey, macha! What's up?" Arjun answered.

"Nothing much. Listen, I have something to tell you."

"What happened?"

"Nothing serious, da. I'm getting married next month. You have to come."

Arjun sat up straight.

"Dei! Finally! Congratulations, da!"

"Thank you, thank you. But listen, you have to be there. No excuses."

Arjun's smile slowly faded.

"Come on, Vicky. You know how difficult it is for me. It's almost 8 hours of travel, and getting leave from the office is another headache. Why couldn't you have kept the wedding somewhere in the city? It would have been much easier for everyone."

Vicky laughed.

"City, ah? It's our grandparents' place, da. That's where we all grew up. I wanted to get married there."

"I understand, macha. But you know how things are now. We have deadlines, meetings, tasks breathing down our necks... It's not like school days anymore."

"Don't worry. But the wedding is on Sunday, da. You can reach by Saturday, attend the wedding on Sunday, and return.

"That's the problem. I have to travel on Friday night, and Friday is already packed with office meetings. I can't just disappear. I'll be travelling, attending the wedding, and travelling back. By Monday morning, I'll be completely exhausted. I can't afford to be tired on Monday morning at work"

There was a pause.

Vicky finally said, "Okay, da. I understand. Just try to come if possible."

Arjun rubbed his forehead.

"Seri, da. I'll try my best. I'm really sorry if I can't make it."

There was another short silence on the other end.

"Okay, da. I understand. But I really want you there."

"I'll try, macha. Promise."

They exchanged a few more words before ending the call.

Arjun put his phone down and stared at the paused movie.

He did feel a little bad. Thirteen years of friendship was not a small thing. But what could he do? Work was important, and travelling for a wedding was not easy. They had shared lunch boxes, played cricket until sunset, and promised each other that no matter where life took them, they would always stay in touch.

But life had changed.

School friends had become software engineers, managers, and business owners. Everyone was busy. Even attending a wedding had become a matter of checking calendars, counting leave days, and calculating travel time.

Arjun sighed and reached for his snacks.

Just then, his phone rang again.

This time, it was Rahul, one of his teammates.

"Bro! Have you heard about Sandeep's wedding?"

Arjun's mood changed instantly.

"Ah, yes! Sandeep's wedding! What's the plan?"

"Bro, it's a destination wedding in Goa! The whole team is going. We've already discussed it with the manager. One full week off!"

Arjun nearly dropped his snack.

"One full week?"

"Yes, We are driving to Goa. And guess what? We have got almost a full week off. We are planning to drive there together. Eighteen hours on the road, bro! Music, food, drinks, beach, fun  the whole package! Then we will attend the wedding and come back."

"Wait, wait. The manager agreed to one full week?"

"Of course! Everyone is going. We have planned everything. We just need to confirm the cars and bookings."

Arjun was already smiling.

"Super! When are we leaving?"

"Friday night. Everyone is coming. You in?"

Arjun didn't even take a second to think.

"Of course, bro! Count me in!"

"That's the spirit! I will add you to the group."

The call ended.

Arjun leaned back on the sofa, grinning.

A whole week in Goa. A road trip with friends. Music, food, drinks, beaches, and no office stress.

Then his phone buzzed again.

It was a message from Vicky.

"Dei, macha. One small thing. Can you call me when you are free?"

But as Arjun returned to the Goa group chat, one question slowly crept into his mind.

Why was he ready to spend eighteen hours on the road for a colleague, but not eight hours for someone who had been part of his life for thirteen years?

He tried to push the thought away.

It was just a wedding, he told himself.

Maybe the problem was never the distance. Eight hours felt like a burden when it meant showing up for an old friend, but eighteen hours felt exciting when it came with a road trip, beaches, and fun. 

Sometimes, we don't make time based on how much someone matters to us, but on how much enjoyment we expect in return. And without even realising it, we end up treating the people who have been with us the longest as if they can always wait.

Love and War: The Marriage We Don't Post

This is a late post. But maybe some things are worth writing about even after the Instagram stories disappear, You Tube reels stop playing, and everyone has moved on to the next “perfect couple” video.

Around mid-September, my Instagram and YouTube feeds suddenly filled with Suriya and Jyotika’s wedding videos and moments from their journey together.

Twenty years of marriage. Renewed wedding vows. And, of course, the crazy comments from people:

“The way Suriya’s eyes changed when he saw her…"

“Couples should be like Suriya and Jyotika.”

“20 years and still so much love. I want a marriage like this 🥹❤️”

And somewhere between watching those videos and reading those comments, I had one very simple thought: What happens to the rest of us? The couples who don't look like that every day?

The husband gets irritated because his wife says, “Nothing, I’m fine,”

The wife who doesn't feel like talking to her husband after an argument.

The couple who can spend an entire evening sitting in the same room (Scrolling) without speaking.

The couple who fight about children, housework, work pressure, holidays, forgotten anniversaries and sometimes… absolutely nothing. Are they in wrong marriage?

Because somewhere along the way, we started confusing the term "perfect marriage."

We see the husband holding his wife's hand. We don't see the conversation they had at midnight when one of them said, “I don't think you understand/love me anymore.”

We see the cake. We don't see the resentment that existed before the cake was cut.

We see “Happy Anniversary, my forever.” We don't see the ordinary Tuesday when one person was exhausted, the other was irritated, and neither had the energy to be romantic.

And that's the problem, we sub consciously compare marriage to someone else's Instagram.

You are comparing your behind-the-scenes with somebody else's edited trailer. And then comes the dangerous sentence, “They never fight.”

I remember seeing an interview of Jyotika where she said, “We never fought even once. He is a green forest, bla bla bla…” and went on to saying.

And honestly, if you are sitting in a marriage that has survived so far, you might look at that and think: “What the hell are we doing wrong?”

Because some of us have had fights every single day. Some couples have mastered the art of fighting, eating dinner, sleeping in the same bed and waking up the next morning as if nothing happened.

Because fighting isn't automatically the opposite of love.

Sometimes the opposite of love is indifference.

You can be angry because you expected something from the person you love.

Two stubborn personalities trying to share one kitchen, one bedroom, one family and one life? That's marriage. Maybe marriage was never supposed to be peaceful all the time 😼

Think about it. You take two completely different people.

Different childhoods.

Different families.

Different habits.

Different ideas about money.

Different ideas about parenting.

Different ways of expressing love.

Different expectations.

Different wounds.

Different egos.

Different dreams.

And then society tells them: “Now live together happily ever after.”

Again.

I think we have romanticised the beginning of relationships too much.

The proposal. The wedding. The honeymoon. The couple photos.

To every husband who thinks his marriage is failing...Because your wife doesn't smile at you like that celebrity couple. Because she gets angry. Because she complains.

And to every wife who looks at another couple and thinks, “Why isn't my husband like that?”

Please remember: You are seeing a few minutes of their life.

He may not know how to say the perfect thing. But Perhaps he waits until you come home.

Perhaps he takes care of the child when you are exhausted.

Perhaps his version of “I love you” doesn't look like yours.

And maybe your version doesn't look like his either.

Stop looking for a marriage without problems. 

Maybe they renewed their vows after 20 years, but why should we wait 20 years to choose each other again?

Why don’t we marry each other every day? Every day, look for a chance to fall in love again. Make a little effort. Tell them they still look beautiful. Look at them the way you did the first time you met. Remember the little things that made you fall for them.

Yes, you may fight for 23 hours. You may say nonsense, get angry, misunderstand each other, and even wonder why you married this person in the first place.

But what if you kept just one hour aside for love?

One hour to stop arguing. One hour to sit together. One hour to look at each other without the anger. One hour to say, “I still choose you.”

Maybe that is what marriage really is, not a life without fights, but two people who keep finding their way back to each other.

Don’t wait for an anniversary to celebrate your marriage.

Make every day a little love hour.

The Day My Hormones Decided to Tell My Entire Life Story

Some days, life hurts.

And some days, your hormones apparently decide that every hurt you have ever experienced deserves a reunion. Today was one of those days.

Something happened. 

On any other normal day, I would probably have just shrugged it off and said, “Easy-peasy” 😄

I would have walked away, complained for five minutes, had some tea, and continued with my life.

But today? Today, that little incident didn't remain a little incident. It walked straight into my heart and suddenly, I cried.

Naah Not those cute, cinematic tear rolling down the cheek kind of cry.

Its a wave of emotions I could no longer hold back.

The kind where you start remembering things that happened 15 years ago for absolutely no reason.

The friend who broke your heart. The person who walked away. The opportunities you lost.

The things you said that you wish you hadn't.

The things people said to you that you wish you could forget.

And, for some reason, even the childhood memories came running in.

At one point, my brain basically opened a folder called:

"EVERY BAD CHAPTER OF YOUR LIFE : PLAY ALL."

It felt as though someone had collected all my worst memories, arranged them and said, "Here is the teaser of everything that has ever hurt her."

And my hormones were sitting in the front row eating popcorn.

I remembered everything bad thing happened in my life. 

I had to pause for a moment. I checked the date, and then it hit me. I knew exactly what was happening. Those hormones had decided to turn the emotional volume all the way up, making everything feel heavier, darker, and far more painful than it normally would.

And that's something I think many women understand.

Before our periods, our emotions can sometimes become unbelievably intense. Hormonal changes can affect mood, irritability, sensitivity and anxiety. For some women, the emotional symptoms can be much more severe.

I knew what kind of day this was. But for a moment, I felt deeply sorry for women. Why does being a woman have to come with so much physical and emotional pain? For a moment, I questioned God or perhaps nature itself. Why do we have to fight an emotional battle before our periods even begin, only to face the physical pain afterward? It felt so unfair that our bodies could put us through such an intense emotional storm and then say, “Okay, now let’s add cramps.”

I cried and cried again. 

It was one of those dark emotional days when everything feels heavier than it actually is.

And I know that for some women, these emotional crashes can go much further into severe depression, hopelessness, or even thoughts of harming themselves.

That is why I don't want us to laugh at women's emotional struggles and simply say: "Oh, she's on her period."

No. Sometimes she is genuinely struggling. Sometimes she doesn't even understand why she feels the way she feels. And sometimes what she needs isn't judgement. She needs someone to sit beside her.

So I went and sat quietly.

The tears started rolling again.

I let them.

I cried.

Then I washed my face.

Looked at myself in the mirror.

And made myself a promise:

Whatever happens, I am not going to make the hormone win this time. 

Today may be a terrible day.

But it is still only one day.

And then, as if the universe had been watching this entire emotional drama from somewhere, an email arrived.

The subject? A menstrual-cycle-related leave announcement.

I opened it.

And I could almost imagine some men reading it and thinking:

What the hell? One day of leave every month for this? As if women are actually suffering!

Dear men…

Trust me.  You don't have to understand every hormonal change to understand that sometimes a woman's body is fighting battles her face doesn't show.

And no, we aren't asking for sympathy every day.

We are asking for a little understanding on the days when our body, hormones, emotions and life decide to hold a conference without inviting us.

Today reminded me of something important.

Being strong doesn't mean never crying.

Tomorrow, the hormones will calm down.

The heart will breathe again and the bad chapters will return to their shelves.

Maybe We Are Limiting Our Kids

 

Last year, on this same day, we were running at Nandi Hills. We had a simple thought that day, "we should do this every year."

But this year, We registered for Ironkids Bengaluru.

And today, my son gave me one of the best gifts I could ever ask for.

He completed an Aquathon.

Honestly, this was a little emotional for me because completing a triathlon has always been on my bucket list. I always wanted to do one.

But I never really understood what it actually takes to complete one.

Today, watching my son gave me a completely different perspective.

He started with swimming.

He had to complete four laps in the swimming pool.

And as a parent, that's where my mind started working overtime.

Will he be able to finish?

Is four laps too much for him?

Did I make a mistake by registering him?

When I saw him during the second lap, for a moment, I genuinely thought, Should I ask the volunteer to take him out?

But then I saw his never-give-up attitude and he completed swimming. 

Then came the next challenge.

He had to get out, go to the transition area, change his clothes, put on his shoes by himself, and move to the running track.

Nobody was going to do it for him.

And he did it.

Then he ran.

And he finished.

I was just standing there thinking…

How did this little boy manage to do all this?

He had never practiced swimming for the last one year, yes. But this particular distance, this kind of event, the pressure, the place, the crowd, the transition from swimming to running, this was completely new for him.

And it made me think. Are we, as parents, limiting our children's abilities?

Sometimes we decide what our kids can and cannot do before they even get a chance to try.

He is too young. 

She won't be able to do it.

It's too difficult.

Maybe next year.

And sometimes, without realizing it, we build a boundary around them.

Today, my son reminded me that maybe that boundary is not always real.

After everything was over, I casually asked him:

"What made you not give up? I know it was difficult. I can't even do two laps! You had never done this before. What made you continue even when it was so difficult?"

He looked at me and said: "Yes, Amma. It was very difficult. Extremely difficult. But I saw you cheering. And Dad was also cheering. That's why."

That's it. Just that one sentence.

Sometimes…

They just need to know that someone is standing there, believing in them.

Maybe he wasn't running only for himself.

Maybe somewhere in his mind, he was thinking,

"Amma and Dad are watching me. I don't want to stop."

And that thought was enough.

Today, I didn't just watch my son complete an Aquathon.

I learned something from him.

Don't decide your child's limits for them.

Let them try.

Let them struggle.

Let them surprise you.

And most importantly, let them know that when they look back, you will be there cheering.

Because maybe one day, when they are tired and ready to give up, your voice from the sidelines might be the one thing that makes them take one more step.

So, parents…

What are you waiting for?

Don't wait for your child to become "ready."

Give them a chance.

You might be surprised by what they are capable of.

And who knows…

Maybe while they are completing their own bucket list, they might just help you complete yours too.

When I Held Her Hand

 Whenever life gets messy, most of us pray for the same thing.

"God, Can you send someone just hold to my hand and get me safely to the other side?"

Recently, I visited Palani Hills. There was option like rope cable car and winch but the waiting queue was nearly three hours. Like many others, I took a deep breath and started to descend the steps.

I had barely walked down three or four steps when I heard a gentle voice behind me.

"Can I hold your hand for just two steps?"

An elderly lady, probably around 65, was smiling at me. She only wanted help for two steps.

I held out my hand for her support After those two steps, I smiled and said, "Don't worry. Hold my hand. We will go all the way down together."

She smiled in a way that said more than words ever could.

What should have been a quick 30-minute walk turned into almost two hours.

She walked slowly, resting every few minutes. And during every pause came another story.

She spoke about her husband with so much affection. She talked about her son, her family, and little moments from her life that probably seemed ordinary to everyone else but somehow felt extraordinary while listening to them.

Honestly, I started wondering whether I was helping her... or is god trying to teach me?

By the time we reached the bottom, she gently placed her hand on my head, blessed me, and said, "You were sent by Lord Murugan. Thank you."

For a moment, I didn't know what to say. Sometimes gratitude leaves you completely speechless. 

She continued, "May you live a long life." 

The blessing she gave me was the exact opposite of the prayer I had carried in my heart. 

I simply looked up at the hill and said, Lord, just as I held her hand and helped her through those difficult steps, will You hold mine? Walk beside me, guide me through every obstacle.

Sometimes we are the one asking for a hand.

Sometimes we become the hand someone else was praying for.

Everyone Judged His Marks. Today, He's Joining IIT 🥇

I still remember the day Sanju (My nephew) was born. The moment I held that tiny little cutie in my arms, the world stopped for a second. People often ask, "How did you feel when you held a newborn baby for the first time?" Even today, I struggle to find the right words. ❤️ Maybe every parent understands this.😊

You look at that tiny face and silently promise: "You angel, We will do everything we can for you."

Years passed faster than I expected.

The little boy who once held my finger while walking is now joining IIT. (No not the I’m In Trouble 😄, the real IIT)

And as I look back on his journey, I realize something important. His success is not just about marks, ranks, or achievements.

It is about positive parenting, trust, support, and giving a child the freedom to become who they are meant to be. 

Children Are Not Projects. They Are Kites. 🪁 Hold the string with love, but give them enough sky to fly.

Many parents unknowingly make one mistake. We try to create the child we want.

Why do we expect every child to excel in academics? Why do we assume engineering, medicine, or corporate jobs are the only paths to success?

Every child is different. 

Some children shine in studies. Some shine in sports.

Some shine in music. Some shine in art.

Some shine in acting. And some surprise us with talents we never imagined.

One of the biggest lessons I learned as a parent is this: "A child grows best when they are allowed to grow in their own direction."

If a child loves studies and enjoys spending hours with books, wonderful. Encourage them.

But if a child is naturally good at sports, don't force them to treat sports as a reward after studies. Let them explore what they genuinely love. The same applies to acting, music, art, dance, or any other talent.

Our job as parents is not to decide what our children should become. Our job is to help them discover who they are.

When this boy wanted to play sports, and participate in competitions, his parents made a bold decision. They chose a school that genuinely valued sports and gave children opportunities to grow beyond academics.

It was during his 10th grade. When the results came out, many people mocked him because his marks weren't what they expected. But for me, he had already won something far more valuable. He had spent his childhood doing what he truly loved, exploring his interests, playing sports, and learning lessons that no textbook could ever teach. Those experiences shaped his character, built his confidence, and taught him how to face life with courage.

Looking back, it was one of the best decisions they made. What amazed me most was that he never followed the crowd. He always chose something unique.

One day, he became interested in Rubik's Cubes. Until then, I didn't even know there were competitions for solving Rubik's Cubes! He was solving different cubes in what felt like seconds.

Then he explored other sports, I don't know the name, its something like Gatta Kusthi, and once again he surprised everyone with how quickly he learned and excelled.

Watching him taught me something important.

Children are naturally talented. Sometimes they discover talents that even parents never knew existed.

The environment around them can either help those talents grow or slowly suppress them.

If the environment helps them grow, let's stand back, clap our hands, and feel proud.

If they face setbacks, disappointments, or even toxic situations, let them learn from those experiences. It's okay. They are learning. Life has its own way of teaching lessons that no classroom ever can.

As parents, We simply need to stand beside them.

One of the biggest examples of this came after he secured admission to VIT, which is a highly respected institution and a dream for many students.

Most people would have happily accepted the seat and moved on. But he wasn't satisfied.

He said, "I want to take a break and try once more."

That wasn't an easy decision.

It involved uncertainty, risk, and plenty of questions.

What if it didn't work?

What if he lost a year?

What if things didn't go according to plan?

Yet his parents chose to support him.

Today, he has achieved the goal he was chasing.

But here's the question other's might have:

What if he hadn't? Would that have made him a failure?  Absolutely not.

He would still have learned something valuable. He would still have grown. He would still have found another path. 

Sometimes children understand their own dreams better than we do.

They know what excites them. They know what they want to explore. They know what kind of life they want to build.

Sometimes the greatest gift we can give our children is trust.

Support them. Guide them. Encourage them.

And when the time comes, have the courage to let them chase their own dreams.

So today, spend a little extra time with your child.

Listen to them.

Encourage them.

Believe in them.

Because sometimes the greatest thing a parent can say is:

"I trust you. Go chase your dreams."

Grade 1 or IIT? Every Parenting Survival Story

June has been a month full of pressure.

Pressure not because of my office work. Pressure because my son is in Grade 1 👊

Before you judge me as the parent who sits behind a child with a pile of books and forces him to study every evening, let me clarify something.

I consciously decided years ago that I would never turn my home into a second classroom.

My belief was simple.Until at least Grade 5, children should be children.

They should play outside. They should get dirty and make home dirty. They should climb walls, chase dogs and cats, ask silly questions and create memories that will stay with them forever. 

Whatever they learn in school should be enough.

That was my philosophy.

But, It's just a month since the school reopened, yet somehow my son has already completed his Unit 1 Formative Assessments in every subject. I am still trying to figure out which notebook belongs to which subject, and now Unit 2 assessments for all subjects are starting this week.

Suddenly, I find myself feeling pressured as a parent.

When I open a Maths chapter, it is no longer just a simple lesson on addition or a single concept. Every topic comes with multiple types of questions, and each question has several variations that require practice.

Then comes homework. Then comes revision. Then comes preparation for the next assessment.

Then comes another set of activities.

In between, every week introduces a new concept activity, project, or assignment that needs attention.

And somewhere in all of this, there is a six-year-old child who still wants to play.

As parents, we focus so much on helping our children succeed academically. But are we giving the same attention to protecting their mental and emotional well-being?

I am not blaming the curriculum, the teachers, or the school structure.

But I do wonder: When did we stop asking children, "Did you have fun today?" and start asking, "What homework do you have today?"

Study. Study. Study.

Again, I am not writing this to criticize schools.

Perhaps I feel this pressure more because I consciously chose not to turn my home into a classroom. I wanted my son to play freely every day, explore the world around him, and learn naturally without spending hours studying at home.

Now, I find myself questioning that decision.

Am I doing enough?

Should I be teaching more at home?

Or should childhood still be allowed to remain childhood?

I am writing this because I know thousands of parents feel exactly the same way. They want their children to succeed, but they also want them to be happy. 

They sit beside their children every evening, helping with homework and revision. And if you are a working parent? Well, congratulations! The moment you walk through the door, you are greeted with, "You don't spend enough time teaching your child!" Instant guilt delivered free of cost. 😄

June taught me something important.

The pressure is real. The overwhelm is real.

And as parents, we know we cannot simply ignore studies. We want our children to learn, grow, and build a strong foundation for the future.

And if you are a parent like me, someone who has consciously decided not to turn evening into a second classroom, I know it can feel uncomfortable.

There is always that little voice asking, "Am I doing right?"

Should I make him revise more?

Should I make him practice another worksheet?

Should I be spending more time teaching?

But I made a choice.

I chose to protect my child's evenings.

I chose outdoor play over extra worksheets.

I chose conversations, cycling, running around, and simply being a child.

And honestly, I believe it is one of the boldest decisions a parent can make today.

Not because studies are unimportant. They absolutely matter.

But because childhood matters too.

When I see my son come home excited to play, when I watch him laugh outdoors, when I see him discover the world beyond textbooks, I am reminded that these moments are also a form of learning.

The pressure to do more will always be there.

Another worksheet will always be waiting.

Another assessment will always be around the corner.

But childhood will not wait.

A happy child learns better than a pressured child.

So if you have chosen to let your child play a little longer, explore a little more, and simply enjoy being a child, don't feel guilty.

You are not doing right thing

You are making a choice.

And perhaps, in a world that is constantly asking children to grow up faster, that choice is more valuable than we realize.

Parenting | Child Education | Academic Pressure | Grade 1 Learning | School Stress | Modern Parenting

The Honk That Saved Us 🚨📢

Sometimes the most unexpected stories happen on the ordinary days.

What started as a routine drive to Bangalore became an experience our family will never forget, and it taught me two important lessons.

We were driving to Bangalore. A flyover construction project was in progress near the Thoppur forest area, forcing all vehicles onto a temporary service road. If you haven't heard of the famous Thoppur Ghat, It was one of those chaotic stretches near Thoppur Ghat - heavy traffic, ongoing elevated flyover construction, patchy mobile signal, and a road known for its steep descents and sharp curves.

The traffic map was glowing deep red, showing a 30-minute delay ahead. Usually, I sit in the front passenger seat. But that day was different.

My son had a fever. He was exhausted, restless, and struggling to sleep. So I moved to the back seat beside him, hoping to comfort him and help him rest during the drive.

A few minutes later, I noticed a strong, pungent smell.

"What's that smell?" I asked my husband.

"It's probably from the road," he replied and I went back to focusing on my son.

Then came the honking from a lorry driver.

Not once. Not twice. But Continuously, An annoying one!

The kind of honking that immediately makes you think, "Okay, what mistake did we make?"

If you have driven in India, you know that a horn is rarely used for an actual emergency.

Most of the time, honking is simply a driver's way of expressing impatience or irritation.

My husband, like many others (and I suspect many men), seems to have multiple personalities while driving.

Most of the time, he is calm. But the moment another vehicle tries to overtake from the wrong side, or someone manages to touch his wrong nerve, a completely different personality takes over.

It's as if an Ajith Kumar racing character suddenly wakes up inside him. Suddenly, it is no longer a family drive. One speeds up. The other refuses to give way. It becomes the final lap of a Formula 1 championship. 

So when the lorry driver kept honking behind us, my first thought was not danger.

I casually asked my husband, "What did you do to the lorry driver this time?"

What happened next was scary then we could imagine.

Suddenly, we saw smoke. At first, it appeared near the road. Then more smoke. Then even more.

The service road was narrow. Cars surrounded us on both sides. In typical Indian traffic, vehicles seemed to occupy every available inch of space.

The lorry driver somehow managed to overtake us.

As he passed, he shouted urgently through his window:

"Smoke! Smoke!"

The smoke was coming from our vehicle.

Everything changed instantly. Now it felt dangerous.

I don't know whether movies conditioned me, but the moment I saw the smoke, my mind immediately jumped to all the worst-case scenarios.

Get my son to safety. I looked to the right to open car door. No space.

I looked to the left. Still no space.

Cars everywhere. The smoke was getting thicker.

I lowered the window, preparing myself for the possibility of jumping out with my son if things got worse.

By then, the smoke had become so dense that it was beginning to obscure the windshield.

My son and I managed to get out through a small gap between the vehicles.

My husband couldn't stop abruptly in the middle of the road, as traffic was moving around us from every direction.

I got down blocked the approaching vehicles and guided him toward the left side so he could safely pull over and park the car.

Finally, we halted and we got out of the car without fully understanding what had just happened.

Behind us was a massive cloud of smoke. We all stood there, staring at it, coughing as the harsh smell of smoke filled the air.

As we stood there staring at the smoke, a bus slowly passed behind us.

Painted across the back was a large image of Lord Murugan, his hand raised in blessing.

I have never been particularly religious. Yet, over the past few months, I kept hearing about Lord Murugan from different people. Somehow, that led us to visit one of his Arupadai Veedu temples, and it hadn't even been a week since we had returned.

Standing there beside the road, coughing and staring at a cloud of smoke, I couldn't help but wonder if that bus appearing at that exact moment meant something.

Maybe it was just a coincidence. Or maybe it was a reminder that life can change in the blink of an eye.

We needed help. Roadside assistance. Insurance. Anyone.

I grabbed my phone and saw that it had only 3% battery left. Within moments, it died.

By then, it was around 7:00 in the evening, and darkness had already settled in.

My husband tried calling roadside assistance. The calls weren't connecting.

We searched through the car's papers, looking for insurance details and roadside assistance numbers. We Googled support numbers. showroom support. Insurance contacts. No luck.

My son, who was already down with a fever, looked at me and said,

"Amma, can you make me sit somewhere? My legs are hurting, and the noise from the road is giving me a headache."

Hundreds of vehicles passed by.

But not a single one stopped.

To be Continued... 

He Was Planning Her Birthday Surprise. She Was Planning His Murder.

I was watching videos related to the Ketan Agarwal case.

What disturbed me wasn't the 2,004 calls, or the final push by his fiancée Siya Goyal

But, It was her smile, her casual moments and her hugs to Ketan. 

Ketan is seen doing sweet things for the woman he was about to marry. Small surprises. Flowers. Happy moments. Future plans.

And she smiles. She accepts them. She hugs him.

When we think of danger, we imagine angry faces, shouting, threats, obvious warning signs.

He wrapped his feelings in flowers, surprises, and love.

She wrapped her betrayal in smiles, hugs, and affection.

Just a day before his tragic death, they were seen together, dancing closely. Looking at those videos today, no one would have guessed that something was wrong. There was no visible sign that she disliked him. No obvious tension. Nothing that suggested what was about to happen.

That is what leaves so many people in shock.

How can someone smile, laugh, dance, accept surprises, and still carry such different intentions inside?

Many women watching this case have asked the same question:

"But he seems like such a good person. How could she do this to him?"

Stories like this naturally raise a difficult question: How can we help our sons, daughters, friends, or loved ones avoid ending up with the wrong person?

In a modern arranged marriage, where two people may have met only a few times and spoken for a few minutes each day, how can anyone truly know the other person's character?

The honest answer is: sometimes, you can't.

That is what makes this story so unsettling.

Many people are asking, "What warning sign did he miss?"

But perhaps the more uncomfortable question is, "What warning sign was even available to see?"

When a person chooses to hide their true intentions, even intelligent, educated, and caring people can be deceived.

Maybe the lesson isn't that we should become suspicious of everyone.

Maybe the lesson is that families should give less importance to salary, status, and wedding dates, and more importance to honest conversations, transparency, and giving two people enough time to truly know each other before making a lifelong commitment.

Don't fall in love instantly.

In a world of Instagram reels, wedding photos, family pressure, and ticking timelines, it's easy to mistake excitement for certainty.

Before you give someone your heart, give them your brain.

Attraction is instant.

Trust is earned.

And the difference between the two can change the course of your life.

The 13th Time

As I lay on my bed, exhausted, I thought about what happened with my son today.

For the 12th time, I had politely told him the same thing. 12 times. The same request. The same explanation. The same patience. But he didnot do. 

By the thirtheeth time, I was tired. Mentally drained. Frustrated.

And I shouted. Magic, He listened immediately.

As silence filled the room, a thought crossed my mind:

"If shouting works so quickly, why didn't I just shout at the first time?"

If parenting had data & analytics, the report would read: 

"Polite requests -> 0% conversion. Shouting ->100% engagement (reponse Rate less than 0.001 seconds.😆)

But the more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable I became.

Because parenting isn't just about getting children to obey. It's about teaching them how to become good.

And that's when my mind wandered back to my own childhood.

Many of us grew up in homes where every household item had a secondary purpose: A Weapon for beating children.

The belt wasn't just a belt. The dosa karandi wasn't just for making dosas. The comb, the scale, the newspaper, the towel, even the legendary saattai (whip) every item in the house seemed to have a hidden job description.

Primary purpose: Household use.

Secondary purpose: To beat and Correct our behavior

Back then, the definition of a good parent was simple: the stricter, the better. 

If a child misbehaved and the parents didn't beat them, relatives would arrive with free parenting advice: "You are spoiling the child! Beat and Rise" (adichu thuvachu valathu, lol)

"In our days, one look from the father was enough!"

But as a kid, I lived in constant fear that any household object could suddenly receive a career upgrade. Like Anniyan switching personalities, a harmless comb could transform into a weapon used to beat me.

Looking back now, I know my parents loved me deeply. But somehow, my memory has preserved those beatings in crystal-clear detail.

I don't remember what I ate on a random Tuesday in 1998. But I can still remember exactly why I got beaten that one afternoon.

The funny thing is, the beatings were usually for "discipline." Yet even today, I can't remember what rule I broke. I only remember the dramatic beating and shouting performance that followed.

But enough about my childhood survival stories.

Let's come back to the present, where I had just shouted at my son after 12 times.

My son listened after I shouted. But I don't want fear to become the language between us.

I want trust. I want respect. I want him to listen because he understands, not because he is afraid.

Parenting is strange that way. Sometimes we repeat ourselves eleven, 20  times and feel like we are failing. Yet those 12 patient conversations may matter far more than the one moment of anger that finally gets a result.

Children may remember what we teach them.

But they also remember how we made them feel.

That night, lying on my bed, I wasn't proud of the shout. I wasn't devastated by it either. It was simply a reminder that parenting is not about perfection.

It's about trying again tomorrow. With a little more patience.

A little more understanding. And hopefully, one less shout.

When Silence Becomes Heavier Than Words

There comes a point where explaining your pain feels pointless. You speak, but it feels like talking to a wall. I realized this slowly, not in one just moment, but through a series of small, exhausting incidents.

After hearing complaints about me being shared by a person casually with others, I chose silence. I accepted the blame, not because I agreed, but because I was too tired to defend myself. Sometimes, it feels easier to carry the blame than to keep proving you deserve to be heard or solved. 

It’s exhausting when the people you turn to for a soft landing or a supportive shoulder don’t even bother to support you. Even if they had two additional ears, they would still ignore you, simply because they take you for granted.

I held it in for two days, hoping when I finally shared it, I would receive at least a little comfort. Instead, I recieved igonreance. 

There were other moments too. Times when I needed support not dramatic gestures, just presence. Just someone standing beside me, showing I mattered. But that support never came. And over time, the absence of care started hurting more than any harsh words.

And then there’s something harder to say out loud. abuse. Not just emotional, but physical. What hurts even more is realizing that this is not “normal.” That other women around you are treated with basic respect, while you are left questioning your worth.

So, what is the real problem here?

The deeper issue many women face is being unheard, unsupported, and made to feel invisible in their own lives.

Why Our Generation Is Distancing from Relatives

It started as a casual conversation.

My mother, in her usual tone asked a relative why his daughter hadn’t come for a family function. He casually replied, “She’s not really interested in attending functions…”

To which my mom, genuinely puzzled, asked, Why? What’s the reason? Why are kids of this generation avoiding functions? How they will know the relatives?”

He replied, "Maybe you should ask Deepika… she’s closer to that generation. (Yes, I am just stuck in the buffering zone between the 90s and 2K!” 😄)

That line stayed with me.  She’s closer to that generation. 

Yes, May be I am close enough to understand Gen Z, but still rooted in the older system.

And suddenly, I realized, this wasn’t just about one girl skipping a function. This was about an entire generation quietly stepping back from something that once defined family life: relatives.

Let me be honest. I have what I call a “relative phobia.” I avoid gatherings when I can. I keep conversations minimal. And I often asked myself why?

After thinking deeply, here’s what I believe.

Support Is Rare: 

One of the biggest disconnects is this: Relatives expect you to show up for every function, every ritual, every gathering. But when life gets hard? Absolute silence… or worse, a full blame game without even trying to understand what you was the actual situation. 

Our generation has seen this clearly. We have watched ourselves struggle often alone. We have faced  stress, emotional burnout… and rarely felt support from extended family. In fact, sometimes it almost feels like they are silently happy for your downfall.

So naturally, a question arises: Why should we invest emotionally in relationships that only exist during celebrations?

It’s not bitterness. It’s just… awareness.

Negativity Is the Default Language

Have you noticed how conversations often go in family circles?

Talking about who failed; Comparing whose life is better; There’s very little appreciation, very little kindness.

Our generation is actively trying to unlearn this. We are choosing positivity, mental peace, and conscious conversations. So when we walk into spaces filled with judgment and negativity, it feels… exhausting and draining.

The Endless Cycle of Advice:

This one hits home for almost everyone.

“When are you getting married?”

“Why only one child? “You should plan your second.”

“You are doing it wrong.”

Why are you rejecting that girl/boy…

Having big dreams? 

And I kept thinking:

Have you ever paused to understand our reality?

Our mental load? Our priorities? Our Values?

Have you ever offered help instead of advice?

If the answer is no, then the advice feels like Less care… and more like noise.

Boundaries Are Misunderstood as Disrespect

This is something our generation values deeply boundaries.

We don’t want to share everything because it somehow turns into judgment in front of us and a full discussion behind our backs.

We don’t want to justify every decision, because you didn’t walk through the chaos, confusion, and pressure it took to make it.

We choose silence sometimes, not because we don’t trust you, but because peace feels safer than being misunderstood.

But in many traditional setups, this is seen as:

Arrogance, Disrespect and “This generation has no values”

In reality, we are trying to protect our mental space. We are not avoding people.

Relationships Feel Transactional, Not Emotional

Another hard truth. Where is the genuine connection?

Where are the conversations that go beyond surface level?

Where is the effort to know each other as individuals?

Our generation craves authenticity. If a relationship feels forced or performative, we slowly distance ourselves not out of ego, but out of emotional honesty.

So… Do We Really Hate Relatives?

No. We hate the experience that often comes with it.

We want:

Conversations without judgment

Presence during tough times

Respect for personal choices (We value your opinions too)

If those exist, we show up. Happily.

If not, we choose peace over pressure.

Final Thought: There was a phase in my life when things weren’t easy. And in that moment, almost all the relatives quietly stepped back.

No calls. No support. No “Are you okay?” Just distance and backstabbing. 

Now, years later, I still try. I show up with a polite smile, I keep things normal on the outside. But somewhere inside, the words once spoken, the way things were handled… they don’t just disappear. They stay. They replay.

And I sometimes find myself asking. 

Do we really need people in our lives who were absent when we needed them the most?

This is not anger. But we believe, relationships are not built only on presence during celebrations. They are built on how you show up when things fall apart.

So if someone isn’t coming to you with warmth, happiness, or openness…

maybe it’s not attitude. Maybe it’s not ego. Maybe, at some point, something broke.

And instead of asking, “Why have they changed?” maybe the better question is,

“Did I ever hurt them without realizing?”

So… When Is the Second Child Coming?

There are some questions in life that come from curiosity...wrapped in judgment… and repeated like a broken record.

One such question? “When is your second child getting released?”

Ah yes. The classic. I wanted to reply them, "Relax… it’s like Jana Nayagan, teaser ready, trailer ready, hype full on… and the release date? No updates yet 😄"

Let me tell you about this one person in my life. No matter what I say, literally anything, this question shows up.

Me: I’m going to this place.

That Family Planning Auditor: Why? Waste of time. Are you planning for a second child there?

I mean… seriously?

There was a moment I was genuinely proud of something I had done. It mattered to me. It was my achievement.

And then came the line that truly crossed every boundary:

“Dont you feel ashamed of yourself. Is this what you are proud of instead of producing a second child?”

That moment didn’t just annoy me. It triggered me.  

Because suddenly, everything I am, everything I have worked for, was reduced to one expectation: Have another child. 

Wait! And that person is not not my husband, not my mom or dad, not my sister, not even someone from my in-laws family… that person is just some one out of the blue, but my well-wisher. (lets call it)

So its almost funny how people have created a timeline for everyone else’s life:

Not married yet? “Why?”

Just married? “Any good news?”

First child? “Time for the second!”

And yes we all know it doesn’t stop. It never stops.

Even in 2026, with all the education and awareness around us, people still ask these Intrusive questions as if they are entitled to your life decisions.

I still remember a lady who, right after my first son, yes, while I was still lying in the hospital with stitches, barely out of the delivery room, told me, “You should immediately plan for your second child.”

Immediately? Sure… should I call my husband, who was still standing there holding our first child like it was the biggest moment of his life, and ask him to start the sequel right away?

Come on, I was still trying to figure out how to come back to Earth (not from magic mushrooms), but from the anesthesia the doctor gave me.

That Return Gift Concept: And, Oops, I forgot my relatives who take things to a whole new level: “Just have a child and give it to me. I will raise the baby and give it back to you.”

I am sorry… what?!

First tell me, Have you ever spent a full day with my first child?  This isn’t something you can borrow and return. I am not library to rent and Return.

So, to all those people Behind every “Why not a second child?” there could be a story you know nothing about.

Maybe:

The body isn’t ready

The mind isn’t ready

The partner isn’t ready

Life circumstances aren’t right

Or simply… the person doesn’t want to

And sometimes, it goes even deeper:

She might have gone through an abortion

She might be undergoing IVF or other treatments

She might be navigating perimenopause… or even menopause itself

Not every journey is visible. Not every struggle is spoken about.

So before asking, maybe choose kindness over curiosity.

If you had a smooth journey and a strong support system, that’s wonderful. But not everyone walks the same path.

A Gentle (and Honest) Request. To everyone who feels the urge to ask this question:

Please stop. Not every question needs to be asked. And it’s definitely not a topic for public discussion.

To Those Who Are Tired of Hearing This

If you are like me, hearing this again and again, here’s something to remember:

You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You can simply say: “We will decide what is right for us.”

So the next time someone asks,

“Any good news?" And make you feel guilty for not boosting the economy and controlling inflation! 

Smile… and remind yourself:

You are already living a complete, meaningful life, on your own terms.

Early Years Graduation Day 🎓 My Biggest Emotional Moment

When my 6 years old son first told me about his Early Years Graduation Day, my reaction was honestly… Spiky.

Come on.

I am an MBA, M.Sc. graduate and I never had a graduation ceremony in my life.

My sister, who holds a PhD said, “I only had a graduation ceremony for my PhD!”

So naturally, my first thought was, “Wow, graduation already?” But today, my perspective completely changed.

When the Tiny Graduates Walked In 🎓

The moment the ceremony started, the little kids walked in wearing graduation robes and tiny caps.

And suddenly…

There was a lump in my throat.

Those little six-year-olds looked adorable in their graduation hats, blushing shyly when they saw their parents😊

Each child carried a small lamp and sang their graduation song.

It was unbelievably cute.

But more than that, it was emotional for me.

And for those tiny ones they believed this was a big day.

The excitement had been real for the past week. 

🎓🎓

Why Early Years Graduation Actually Matters Now:

When we were kids, moving from LKG to Grade 1 was just… another day.

No ceremony.

No celebration.

Honestly, our teachers barely knew us.

I remember having 62 students in my UKG class.

The teacher probably recognized my name only when she read my report card.

Things are very different today.

Schools now have:

Smaller classrooms (18 : 1 Ratio)

More teacher involvement

Personal attention

Emotional bonding with children

These teachers know the kids deeply.

They celebrate their small wins, their personalities, and their progress.

So when children move to Grade 1, it’s actually a big transition:

New and more teachers, New structure, More assessments, A different environment

For these kids, it really is a milestone.

And today I understood that.

🎓🎓🎓

One moment that  touched my heart was when the teachers called each child’s name.

But they didn’t just call names.

They spoke about something special about each child.

When my son’s name was announced, the teacher said:

"Our little author who wrote Kumki, The Elephant."

I was stunned.

The teachers had observed the children so closely.

For another child, they said: "Our Yellow Belt holder."

For someone else, they spoke about her curiosity.

The teachers weren’t just teaching.

They were truly seeing each child.

🎓🎓🎓

The Moment That Made My Eyes Wet

While my husband was busy capturing videos and photos, I was simply watching.

Observing and Absorbing.

My son was standing there holding his Early Years Graduation Certificate proudly.

On the other side, the teachers were smiling at him with genuine pride.

That was the moment.

My eyes filled with tears.

Because suddenly I realized:

This was not about the certificate.

It was about his years of tiny steps, learning, friendships, and growth.

🎓🎓🎓

The Beautiful Teacher Handover Ritual

One part of the ceremony was incredibly thoughtful.

The Early Years teacher handed a bouquet to the Grade 1 teacher, with each flower in it representing a child’s name. 🌸

It symbolized something beautiful: "We took care of them until now. Now they are yours."

Each child then walked forward and shook hands with Ms.Usha mam thier future teacher.

It felt like a mini convocation with heart.

Small touches. But unforgettable.

🎓🎓🎓

A Father’s Love That Made This Day Special

My husband was actually not supposed to be here today. He had other plans and commitments.

But my son insisted. He cried. He pleaded. He wanted his dad to be there.

So he travelled all the way just to attend this half-day graduation ceremony and then travelled back again.

Watching that… made the day even more meaningful.

Because sometimes children don’t remember what we say.

But they remember who showed up.

🎓🎓🎓

My Final Thought Before Sleeping Tonight

When I lay down on my bed tonight, I kept replaying the day in my mind.

Tonight I feel something different.

These ceremonies are not for the certificate.

They are for the memories.

For the teachers (Principal Mrs. Minni Adhikari mam, Ms.Maria Pavithra mam, Ms. Lakshmi mam, Ms. Priya Anand mam and Grace mam) who nurtured them.

For the parents who watched their babies grow a little bigger.

And most importantly…

For the children who walked proudly today believing:

“I graduated.”

And honestly…

Maybe they did. 🎓

When One Person Gives Up in a Relationship

As I sat down to write this, I didn’t plan to be emotional.

But somewhere along the way, I realized that even the strongest couples don’t stay the same. And if I am being honest, mine changed too.

In the beginning, every couple fights, argues, cries, even tries to control but we always run back to each other, say sorry first, patch things up at any cost, because losing the person feels far more terrifying.

I remember those days.

If he didn’t talk to me for ten minutes, my heart would pain.

If we fought at night, I would not sleep.

Not even one single night passed without patching up each other.

And now?

Now, after a decade… when we argue, I don’t rush back to patch up.

I withdraw. 

Because, I want silence, peace and space.

And that scares me.

Relationships almost follow a strange pattern.

In the beginning, you spend all your time together.

Then children come. Responsibilities grow. Careers expand.

The middle years almost 30 to 45 years become survival mode.

You are not lovers.

You are not even best friends sometimes.

You are no longer lovers dreaming together.

you are just two exhausted souls managing a house and quietly ticking the boxes of being “good parents".

They tell you, “After 60, when the children are settled, you will have time again for just the two of you. Love blossoms again”

But what about the 28+ years in between?

Does love dry out there?

Or do we just stop watering it?

Honestly… I don’t know.

Now we fight less.

Not because we understand better.

But Arguing with him? Feels Waste of energy.😓

He thinks, “She will talk tomorrow… she has to.”

I think, “He will come back to me in a week… he has no choice.”

Now we patch things up not because we miss each other,

but because life forces us to talk.

Because,

we have Decisions to make.

Parents meetings to attend.

So we speak.

Not to heal. Not to reconnect. But to FUNCTION.

So somewhere in between responsibilities and routines, we stop choosing/loving each other and start taking each other for granted.

But moving away from a fight without resolving it is a big Red Flag.

Have you ever thought about how many unresolved emotions a person carries when you extend silence or unresolved emotions like that?

The Illusion of “I have Got Them”

At some point, both partners start thinking:

“I have got my wife.”

“I have got my husband.”

That’s when effort reduces.

It’s not space.

We stop trying to impress.

We stop trying to understand.

But here’s the truth, people evolve.

Think about your childhood best friend.

Is that person still your best friend today?

Maybe yes.

If yes, you are blessed.

But most of us our personality change.

After a crisis.

After loss.

After success.

After motherhood.

After failure.

A fun person becomes calm.

A calm person becomes guarded.

A soft heart becomes practical.

The man I met on day one is not the man today.

And I am not the same woman either.

But we are still tied to each other not because we are the same, but because marriage doesn’t allow easy exits like friendships do.

And sometimes that scares me.

When Love Changes Shape

There was a time I had a thousand packets of love.

Today?

I don’t have hatred.

But I have layers.

Mixed feelings.

Exhaustion.

Distance.

Maybe this is what emotional giving up looks like.

Not dramatic.

Not loud.

Just… quiet.

You stop expecting.

You stop chasing.

You stop fighting to be heard.

And that is more dangerous than anger.

The Funny (But Not So Funny) Twist

Let me end with something lighter. Remember the possessiveness in early love?

Before marriage, 

If another girl talked to him,  "war."

If he looked at some girl,  "mini heartbreak"

If some girl text hims, "World War III."

Now?

If a girl talks to him, I don’t burn anymore.

I laugh and I tease him.

And somewhere, I genuinely feel happy that there are still women who notice him.😉

I look at him and smile,

“Ah… so the charm hasn’t faded after all.”

But sometimes I wonder:

Did I lose that cute possessiveness?

Or did love just mature?

Or worse…

Did I stop caring the way I used to?

The Real Question

When a person gives up in a relationship, it doesn’t happen in one day.

It happens slowly.

When you stop resolving fights.

When you assume they will stay anyway.

When silence becomes normal.

When effort feels unnecessary.

Love doesn’t die loudly.

It dries quietly.

And maybe the real danger isn’t fighting too much in the beginning.

Maybe the real danger is not fighting at all later.

Because at least fighting means you still care enough to react.

Silence or not resolving it?

It means someone has already given up.

Two Chocolates, and that ORDER - I Can’t Forget

When my son called and asked for two chocolates, my first response wasn’t “okay.” It was a typical parent reaction.

“Why chocolates?” I continued, “You know chocolates are junk food. Why do you need them?”

There was a short pause. Then he said, “Amma, I am not going to eat. I am going to gift. One for my badminton master, and one for my Dance Master.”

That answer stopped me and I suddenly felt proud.

Grateful, even. I smiled, stopped my vehicle, and walked into a nearby shop to buy them.

And that’s where the moment changed.

Inside the shop, a little girl - around 7 years old stood near the counter.

In a calm, practiced voice, she said, “One cigarette, uncle. It’s for my appa.”

The shopkeeper didn’t question her. Since she asked for just one, he opened a fresh packet and handed her a single cigarette, loose, with no cover and it went straight into her tiny hand.

She held it between two fingers. That image cut deep.

Here I was, buying chocolates as a sign of respect and gratitude and right beside me, a child was carrying addiction home.

Her hands were too small for that responsibility. Too innocent for that habit.

I walked out with the chocolates, but my mind stayed inside that shop.

Did that parent justify it by saying, “She’s just delivering it.”

But if a child can confidently ask for a cigarette, what are we normalizing for them?

A child should carry books.

Toys. Chocolates. Dreams.

Not cigarettes.

Even now, that moment hasn’t left me.

So I want to ask every parent reading this:

Are you sending your child to buy cigarettes for you?

Are you unknowingly teaching them that this is normal?

Today, my son learned about gratitude and respect.

That little girl learned how to carry a cigarette.

Both lessons were taught in the same shop.

And that difference… still hurts.

Let’s protect their innocence, not just from big dangers, but from the small, everyday ones we overlook.

A Dedication to Every 5 AM Dreamer

This Skillora Anthem created by me is dedicated to every student of "21 DSS Group | Batch 01 | January 2026" group who chose discipline over comfort and action over excuses. To those who wake up at 5 AM, showed up consistently, and believeed in growth.

Thank you Skillora Academy and Dr Suresh Pandian Sir for transforming our skills, mindset, and life.

I was stuck in the same old motion,
Dreams on mute, yeah I almost quit,
Every “someday” felt so distant,
Till I chose to rise, chose to commit.

From the silence, I found my fire,
From the doubt, I built my aim,
New habits, new vision,
I won’t ever play small again.

No more waiting on chances,
I trained my mind, took the lead,
Now I’m ready to claim my name.

No more fear in my way,

Hear me rise, hear me grow,
This is Skillora, watch me glow ✨
I’m unlocking what I’m meant to be,
Transform my skills, transform my life, that’s me.

I stand tall, I break through,
Every day I become brand new,
With my voice, with my power,
I’m learning loud, this is my hour!

5 AM : while the world still sleeps,
I show up strong, I keep my beat,
Discipline over comfort calls,
That morning promise, I never fall.

21 days, I rewrote my story,
Step by step, no shortcuts here,
From mindset shifts to action daily,
I showed up brave, I stayed sincere.

Mentors guiding every move,
Community pulling me through,
Not just dreams! Real execution,
I became the proof.

Hear me rise, hear me grow,
This is Skillora, watch me glow 🔥
I’m unlocking what I’m meant to be,
Transform my skills, transform my life : that’s me.

I stand bold, I break through,
Every challenge makes me new,
With my voice, with my power,
I’m learning loud, this is my hour!

Before the sun, I claim my win,
5 AM, that’s where I begin 🌅
Habits reset, mindset aligned,
Success is trained, not left to time.

4K learners standing strong,
Success habits pulling us along,
This is growth you can feel inside,
Skillora, we rise, we rise.

Hear us rise, hear us roar,
We’re not who we were before 🦁
From the 5 AM Challenge to mastery,
Transform our skills, transform our lives, we’re free.

Together strong, together true,
Mentored, focused, seeing it through,
With our voice, with our power,
Skillora Academy : THIS is our hour!