Sunday, March 9, 2014

Expectations and Possessiveness in a Relationship

Expectation and Possessiveness are two toxic elements which is a slow and silent killer in any relationship. Possessiveness comes only when we have the fear of losing the person and the real problem comes when we try to possess the person as "MINE

People do say, Possessiveness is sweet and that a romantic relationship always comes with possessiveness and expectation. But it’s a pathetic truth that our mind is programmed in that way. Possessiveness will definitely result in nagging and expectation will result in disappointment. If these 2 have negative outputs then why to be in a relationship and spoil the strength of a relationship?  So, let’s come out of the shell and think just a little different for a healthy relationship.

Remember that if you try to control and restrict your partner's life according to your preferences, you are greatly disrespecting them and you don't love them. If we truly love our partner, we love him or her unconditionally, without expecting him or her to love us in return and love us the way that we want them to love us. We will only wish him or her to be happy

If you are being possessive, it is “YOUR  issue - Your deficiencies.” Why to put your partner in a tough spot because of your doubts?
 Instead of feeding your mind with negative thoughts just focus on the word TRUST. Re-iterate your mind that, this is just a feeling, not the truth."

If he is online in what’s app for 24 hrs and if she is dropped in a bike at late hours, instead of infecting your mind with negative thoughts, just trust him or her and you can’t really change a person by attracting their behaviour. So accept the person as she/he is. More than anything, if you like someone, give them the space they need and accept them as they are

Only a relationship without possessiveness and expectation will bring peace and freedom. If you are in love with extreme possessiveness and expectations its not Love.

Detach yourself from expectation and possessiveness...slowly disappointment, anger, hatred, jealousy, frustration, fear, worry, and feelings of hurt will subjugate and happiness will come to picture

There is always a difference in "changing your partner" and "Accepting as they are and trying to grow with them". Do I need to point out that the first one sounds dominating, and if you cant do the second one then the relationship is pointless?


  1. Very nice....sensitive and matured thinking expressed nicely.

  2. Hi from the A-to-Z Challenge! This post definitely offers a lot to think about, and some very solid advice.

  3. Hi, I'm here from the #atozchallenge! You've got some good points here. I think expectations can be huge, especially at the beginning of a relationship.

    1. Very True... its normal human behavior to expect from loved ones.. but when we are matured enough to handle that expectations... then it will stop n number of problems..

  4. I think control is one of the main reasons relationships are hard. When things are going well, it's easy to allow the other person to be him/herself. But when the other person starts putting distance between you, I think many people make the mistake of trying to control the other person, which only pushes them further away.

    1. Thanks Stephanie for dropping in.. Yes, and the best thing when people try to move away could be to let them fly.. if they are yours and they need you, they will come back to you for sure..

  5. sollitangappa..relationship expert...
    there is nothing wrong in bringing a change from partner for good reasons.blogs with these kind of contents really spreads false advice . Look at ancient Indian culture and find how beautifully they have defined a relationship should be. Kannagi accepted her partner as how he was and detached herself from possessiveness which eventually lead to damage her marriage life. Quite easy to write a blog of 30 lines and feel excited about positive comments. but challenge is practising that in a relationship for 30 years and following that.

    1. I am not a relationship Expert... But to share the views its not necessary that one has to be an expert... There is nothing wrong in bringing good change.. But imagine, if your partner is not liking that change? wont it be a pressure for him/her. For example, dad wants his son to become a doctor.. it may be good for him. But if his son his interested in photography, his dad should be ready to accept it for his son's happiness.. If we put pressure on our partners tagging it as "GOOD, WELFARE" then we are living their life.. We dont allow them to live a life for them..

    2. but what about the 'mutual decisions'? Or those whose outcome affects/effects ourselves? The husband/wife feels like 'i want to take a walk in the moonlight at the nearby park at the midnight, holding your hand' and the wife/husband gets a miserable sinus attack..?

      It's a give and take, informally strategic relationship.

      -unacquainted anonymous amateur relationship expert

    3. In that case, take him/her for a walk in the beach in the freaking hot sun. No problems of Sinus attack (◐.̃◐)

      Well, I guess wife will take risk in fulfilling her hubby wish. She will take him for a walk, spend the while right holding his hands and next day she will get sinus ATTACK. Yet, she will love that pain for the love she has on her hubby :P

      Read the below 2 articles

    4. "she will love that pain for the love she has on her hubby :P "

      uff. what a love, what a love. Sure the hubby feels 'love in the air' when she sneezes.,, heh.

      -u a

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  7. yes!!! well said.