Teaching Independence to Kids

As a mother, I always believed in fostering independence in my child. It's not easy, and it was not understood by others. But in the end, I believe it's one of the important things I can do for them.

When my son was learning to walk, he fell countless times. Each time, I would clap, smile, and encourage him: "Come on, get up, nothing happened. Keep going!" 

I never rushed to pick him up or make a big deal out of it. I didn’t feel the need overreact. I simply wanted him to know that falling is a part of life—and it’s okay. 

But while I saw it as teaching resilience, others around me didn’t always agree. I remember the whispers from neighbors—some even called me a "****" for not rushing to my child’s side when he fell. They thought I was heartless, uncaring. 

As a mom, I know the difference between a simple fall and a serious injury. And I believe in giving my child the space to learn how to handle himself. It's not that I didn't care—it's that I trusted him to be okay, to learn that he could get up on his own, and that he didn’t need me to always fix things. 

Ah, the food phase—when I decided it was time for my son to learn to feed himself, despite the mess and the post-30-minute clean-ups, my close ones labeled me ruthless for not spoon-feeding, carrying him in my arms, or telling stories while he ate. 

"He will finish 3 idlis if you just distract him and feed him for an hour," my relative said and added, "Didn’t you carry him for 9 months? How can a mom NOT think about feeding him that one extra idli?"

Three idlis for a kid?!? Well, Dr. Pal, looks like I need your help 👶

But, I always treated my son like an adult and I ask for his opinions. He chooses his own clothes from his wadrobe. Even at a young age, I wanted him to feel in control of his own choices. I encouraged him to make his own decisions, trusting that each choice, big or small, would help him grow into a confident and an independent person. 

Yes, I received backlash for my parenting style. From strangers to family, it seemed like everyone had an opinion on how I should be raising my child. But today, as I watch my son make decisions on his own, I see the fruits of those decisions. He is independent, and though stubborn at times (like any child!), he knows what he wants and isn't afraid to stand up for himself. Since I always encouraged his independence, he grew confident in exploring the world around him, even striking up conversations with strangers without fear.

And let me tell you something: there’s no greater feeling than seeing your child learn to be self-reliant. In those moments, I know deep down that I am doing something right.

I won’t lie—it hasn’t always been easy. The criticisms, the doubts, the questions. I heard it all. There are nights when I go to bed feeling exhausted. But then, something happens that reminds me why I do this. 

One night, I had a headache and was completely drained. My 5-year-old son, seeing that I was not well, quietly came up to me with a glass of water and a cool cloth. He gently applied the balm, placed the cool cloth on my forehead with care, turned off the lights, and went off to play without making a fuss. He didn't need to be told to do that. He knew what I needed and cared enough to offer it.

In that moment, all the criticisms I faced, all the tiredness, and the doubts—they all melted away. My son had learned to be considerate, independent, and self-sufficient. He knew how to take care of someone else because I had trusted him to take care of himself first.

So yes, my parenting was right. Not because I am perfect, but I always believed in his ability to grow, learn, and take responsibility. It hasn’t always been the easy, but it has been the one that shaped him into the thoughtful, independent person he is becoming.